“You want my money”
Parents in old age,“You want my money”
MIRROR KNOW has developed an eight-week care-Coaching, which helps to accompany the elderly parents in a competent manner. This is the seventh part. The other parts can be found here.
In recent weeks, a clearer view of the topic was to get to the goal of this coaching is, “If parents are old”. Children try with their parents to introduce innovations that the mother and father are actually supposed to relieve, it is often the setbacks, denials and misunderstandings. This unit deals with ways to deal with it.
There are three typical “stumbling blocks”, which appear almost always in some Form, if adult children try to be a support system for elderly parents to build up, strengthen bonds, or to make life easier.
1. “You want my money.”
Adult children who take care of their needy parents, often complain about the distrust and lack of appreciation. Many parents are suspicious of innovations, whether it’s a bathroom refurbishment or hiring a household help. Fear and suspicion Express themselves often in comments such as “You want my money,” or “You want to deport me in a home”. These reactions are hurtful. It can quickly come to a dispute. What to do?
Try to see what is behind such statements made by the parents. Often it is the fear of being dependent and of being ignored, because it is old. Or in the war and postwar years acquired distrust of others, deceived and taken advantage of. You try to come across these points into a conversation.
Very important: if you are offended, and rightly, try not to respond with “love withdrawal”. You postpone a continuation of the discussion explicitly refers to a future time: “Maybe we can talk again next month about it”. A keep agreements and appointments.
2. “Money for the Taxi I did not.”
Although for many decades their own, are driven, in part, also expensive cars: When you put older people who are not sure of the tax, to take for shopping or the journey to the choir practice a Taxi, they refuse often. You have the feeling to have “no money”.
This irrational, “stingy” grace attitude is widely used in the Generation of today, 70 -, 80 – or 90-Year-old, because she was forced in her Childhood and youth, but also in the early adult bracket, frequently on the economy. Because parents, for trains, for Taxis, for restaurant visits, you want to spend on ancillary services and financial aid no money, they make it difficult, however, your daily life or even be immobile. What to do?
You try to argue in a humorous way. You say that you are per visit, five Euro in piggy Bank or something similar. On the other hand: Force anything and stay patient. The parents ‘ generation has not often easy to completely different habits and standards, especially if you live in a big city.
3. “This is still good.”
When trying to get together with the parents of the house of pitfalls and to get rid of dust catchers or to create a new layout of the rooms, it’s often a question of what things to separate.
Many parents are very hesitant. Instead of “Less is more” is a “you can use”mentality. So parents, torpedo involuntarily spatial and organizational innovations. What to do?
Here, too, patience helps. Although you can make your own position clear, but you should accept what you can enforce. Generally speaking, the innovations in the everyday lives of older parents is a process of trial and error to try out. You experiment, you explore what works, what feels surprisingly good, what is easy to implement and what may not work well. If it’s not your parents, your things and your old order.
Read more on the subject at the MIRROR :
Polish auxiliary force in the parents house: Our angel was called Danuta
For all that don’t need Exercise, because their own parents are still very independent: you have this week to take a break. Maybe you can use this to strengthen the relationship culture in your family. How about when you visit your parents out of turn or you write a postcard? Just so.
We wish you courage and joy on the way to new plans and solutions with your parents.
Your LEVEL-KNOWLEDGE-Team
To each output LEVEL of KNOWLEDGE a practical, easy to implement Online Coaching suitable to its respective folder theme.
Each Coaching session lasts eight weeks. During this time, you will always receive on Friday by E-Mail a exercise unit that can help you to make your life better. Here is the Newsletter:
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